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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How to sleep like a Cat


1. The Full Situp  To achieve the full situp, you must begin with the genuine intention of exercising your abs and promptly fall asleep midway through the task. This position is extremely advanced and not recommended for amateur sleepers.




2. The Awkward Spoon    The goal here is not so much intimacy as it is the socially uncomfortable sharing of a physical space with someone. Bonus points if your arm falls asleep but you're too embarrassed to move it.



 
3. The Semicircle   Tuck your tail between your legs and imagine that you are an omelet.


4. The Sunbather    The trick is to look like someone who is acting comfortable whilst also appearing extremely uncomfortable. Let's take this excellent opportunity to coin the term "ZZZmeta-comfortable."



 5. The Double Bed   You will need a partner for this one. The goal is not so much comfort as an expression of sheer, unadulterated greed.



 

 6. The Half-Box   Any old box will do, but two of your feet - preferably on opposite sides of your body - must remain outside the container at all times.








7. The Backstroker  Do not even attempt unless you have tiny, tiny, precious little legs.


 

 8. The Sleeping Baby  Find a baby. Imitate the baby.




9. The Fur Pile  For this, you will need at least three friends who are not averse to your sleeping on them.


10. The Full-Box  Just get your whole damn body in there no matter what it takes. Be the box.




11. The Drunken Radiator   Just because you are obviously some kind of gin-addled hobo doesn't mean you can't be nice and warm.



(I don't know whose photos these are - they were in one of those round-robin e-mails. There'll be another set of them soon.)

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