DataTransfer

GB managed to leave two comments on someone's blog the other day and then asked how that happened! "GB," I wrote, "it's a computer - that's how it happened! Never question the workings of the God 'DataTransfer'." Similarly, when a blog post of mine was three days in the arriving on my blog DataTransfer had been meddling again. He had changed my scheduled blog posting to a 'draft'. This is something He has a habit of doing just to annoy me. I check that a posting is scheduled - and it is - and when it doesn't appear I find He turned it back into a 'draft'.

GB being a bit of an atheist may not believe in DataTransfer but I’m sure He exists. Of course, He could be a She depending upon which sex you consider to be the more devious.

Another of His latest tricks is to take you to the bottom of the page of comments when you visit certain blogs (Adrian’s and Phil’s for example). I say ‘take you’ but needless to say what He does to one visitor He may not do to another. He is quite choosy who He picks on at times. And He sure as Hell picks on me! If I knew of a way of killing a God I’d give it a go. I understand Baldur was killed by a dart made of mistletoe but that presupposes you can find the God in the first place. These immortals tend to hide on tops of mountains and my climbing days are over. Similarly, giving DataTransfer a mortal-turning drink would require finding Him.

I tried Yahoo Answers to see if they could help and came up with this by Earthtojoe (with acknowledgements to Philip Pullman).

Step 1: Create a knife which can cut through the fabric of the universe at the subatomic level.

Step 2: Use the knife to make openings in the aether through which you can enter parallel earths. Scour all possible worlds for the physical manifestation of the deity who is your quarry. He/She has to be somewhere. Look for a clouded mountain - they'll probably be found at the summit, relaxing atop a gilded throne, surrounded by angel-servants waving palm leaves and bearing grapes.

Step 3: Get close. Stab frantically. When the God/Goddess has fallen, turn the blade on His or Her minions - let them know who's boss before they try to take advantage of the resulting power vacuum.

Step 4: Usurp throne, commence autocratic rule of Heaven and earth.

That seems a bit drastic but I may be forced to do it if He doesn't lay off me.

At the top of the posting I showed an image of DataTransfer as many people might picture Him. A sort of Michaelangelo creation who meddles in things.

Alternatively He could be a Thor-like figure who brings His hammer or lightning down on random particles of information as they spin through the universe.

A further alternative came up when I put ‘Image of God’ into Google:-

If you were to dig a hole 300 feet straight down from the charming French village of Crozet you’d come upon a ‘garishly lit tunnel ten feet in diameter which curves away into the distance, interrupted every few miles by lofty chambers crammed with heavy steel structures, cables, pipes, wires, magnets, tubes, shafts, catwalks, and enigmatic gizmos.’ (Joel Achenbach) This is the Large Hadron Collider which aims to solve the mystery of how the Universe was formed and whodunit. A bit like a mechanical Miss Marple. Now this is far more like how I envisage DataTransfer.

In medieval times anyone who upset the Gods needed to do something to avert the Evil Eye. In case my having this go at DataTransfer causes Him to worsen his attacks on me I shall put this apotropaic symbol on my laptop lid.

It’s a Gorgoneion – the Head of Medusa - used to ward off evil. You are welcome to use it and see if it works but I’m not offering any money-back guarantees…

(Written on Thursday 19th January 2012 but if it doesn’t appear on my Blog until 2013 you’ll know I really have upset Him.)