Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds' he says.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I ask.
'They will grow larger over a period of years' my husband replies.
I stop. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' I say.
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"
He's still alive and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again - although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man
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