BURN'S NIGHT TALE - A NEW TWIST

Robert Burns

On 25 January 1759 poet Robert Burns was born so this year the 250th anniversary of his birth is being celebrated.

Scotland's National Bard entered the world in a clay biggan at Alloway. Although born into a poor family, Burns's father enrolled him at a local school and the poet's love of language was born. John Murdoch taught Burns and his brother Gilbert in a school founded by their father and neighbours. Murdoch introduced Burns to the works of Alexander Pope, schooling him in English, French and Latin. In 1774, Burns wrote his first song, ‘Handsome Nell’, for Nellie Kilpatrick.

Burns wrote in a light “Scots” dialect which is not Gaelic but an English dialect spoken in the Scottish Borders and Lowlands. The Scots language (the Scots leid) refers to Anglic varieties derived from early northern Middle English spoken in parts of Scotland and Northern Ireland. In Scotland it is sometimes called Lowland Scots to distinguish it from Scottish Gaelic traditionally spoken in the Highlands and Islands. Scots is also spoken in parts of Northern Ireland and border areas of the Republic of Ireland, where it is known in official circles as Ulster Scots or Ullans.

In honour of his Celtic compatriots the Sage publishes this New Twist for Burns Night. The Burns Supper is an institution of Scottish life: a night to celebrate the life and works of the national Bard. Suppers can range from an informal gathering of friends to a huge, formal dinner full of pomp and circumstance. The highlight of the entertainment on Burns Night is the “Address To a Haggis” which is quoted below.


Piping in the Haggis

Guests should normally stand to welcome the star attraction, The Haggis, which should be delivered on a silver platter by a procession comprising the chef, the piper and the person who will address the Haggis. A whisky-bearer should also arrive to ensure the toasts are well lubricated. During the procession, guests clap in time to the music until the Haggis reaches its destination at the table. The music stops and everyone is seated in anticipation of the address To a Haggis.



So for the New Twist;

Boris Johnson is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of
patients with no obvious sign of injury and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding race,
Aboon them o' you take your place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Boris is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

The patient responds:

" Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Mayor moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"We sleekit, cowerin, timorous beastie,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickerin brattle."



Now seriously troubled, Boris turns to the accompanying doctor and asks

"What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?"

"Och, nooooo……" replies the doctor.

"This is the serious Burns unit."



Burns Cottage Alloway