Happy Monday – One-liners

One-liners for those of us having a bad day....

You say I’m a bitch – like it’s a bad thing.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
Do I look like I’m a people person?
This isn’t an office – it’s HELL with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
YOU!!! Off my planet!
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose!
Practise random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed...
I’m not crazy. I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realise you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
This is a mean cruel world and I want my nappy and medication right now.
Earth is full. Go home.
Me, ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Back off! You’re standing in my aura.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Ah, did I step on your itty bitty ego?
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.